Life has always been crazy, whether good or bad. I don't mind it, but I would sometimes like a break from having my head spinning constantly to keep up. It's never boring or at least when it starts seeming like it is, something happens that keeps me on my toes. People don't understand when you give so much of yourself during the day, you don't want anything to do with anybody else for the rest.
I still do not have a wedding date set. It seems that setting that date makes it all that more real. Not that I'm scared of it or will be a runaway bride, it just means that I'm definitely growing up and losing that last bit of 'childness' if you can even call it that. Colors I have yes.....flowers - no clue now. Cake I know who I need to have make it, style - couldn't tell you. But I have paid my deposit for the ceremony site, so I'm not neglecting the planning.
School and future is flat out scary. Having a life with Clint is not.
Slightly on the upset side that close friends of mine met up to work on a memorial for a good close friend who lost his battle against cancer. One of them had even previously mentioned the memorial and discussed this tree and plaque with me, and yes I donated for it. Just shows how important I really am. If friends really want to see friends, they do. Friends realize that friends have busy hectic lives. I just feel used by some friends here lately (to clarify not the memorial group....yet) who only talk to me if they need something from me, whether it's information, help or something to borrow. I would love to unfriend the whole lot of them but I've been in their shoes before and had to beg for forgiveness. Who knows...maybe that's what I need to do.
While facebook is useful with connecting with people and what not, it's cheapened relationships. You're not 'official' until it's on facebook. People only really take note of others when they update their status. I'm guilty of it just as everyone else is.
I won't lie I've been on the slightly depressed side here lately. I don't know where my life is heading, don't even know if and when I can set the date, and while I want to feel that blissfulness and peace of knowing God's in control, I can't relax. I'm always on edge, Clint says I'm always on guard waiting for that next person to hurt me, and I even at times will flinch away. He always has to tell me that not everyone in the world is out to get me. It's so hard to change patterned behavior that has been instilled in you since childhood. I don't flinch as much anymore.
I don't know....hopefully the Hunger Games will cheer me up. My expectations of people are generally true and right on, call it judging if you will. I fight my judgements and still try my hardest to befriend and see the good in people. I hate being right though. Time for homework and time for spending time with the one I love, who's trying so hard to make me smile and laugh. That's why I love him. :-)
Hey, I'm sorry about the memorial thing. In Courtney's and my defense, we didn't expect to be actually doing it that day. Drew and I were going to meet for lunch, and then he told me that Courtney was in town and would be joining us. Then on a whim he decided that was the day to find a tree for Tony and plant it. I'm sorry you got left out of it. I thought you were kayaking anyway? I definitely could have used another friend there, I was the odd one out since I don't know anything about plants. Shall we meet for dinner sometime this week or sometime soon? I know how you feel about feeling left out. I feel that way a lot of times, but for me personally, I still have a bad habit of thinking people should be coming to me. I guess I got tired of feeling like I was always the one trying to get together, and then when it seemed like no one wanted to or couldn't, I stopped. Again, girl, I apologize for not calling you about the memorial tree.
ReplyDeleteI was too sunburnt already to go, and I thought Clint need a guy trip.
ReplyDeleteYes I know Drew mostly thinks of himself, and have another friend through Clint who is even worse, and dealing with people like that who I cannot be totally blunt with without seeming like the bad guy. Then I have a friend that's been a good friend for years and yet only wants to talk to me when she wants info on a guy she likes.
And you didn't know about it. SO it's ok. I'm not mad at or with you or Courtney.
I know. I have had situations where I felt like someone I was friends with was only calling me when they needed help with something because they knew I would. Again, not dissing anyone, and it may be that they didn't realize that's how it was coming across to me. Unfortunately, we are in a phase of life where hanging out with friends is getting harder to do because schedules are crazy and everyone's busy with their own things. But if you ever want to hang out, let me know...or I'll call you. ;) Speaking of, would you be interested in going to Cross Church with me either Saturday evening or Sunday? I want to go to one of their Easter services. I'm thinking Saturday since our new class starts Sunday at Mt. Comfort. Let me know if you wanna!
ReplyDeleteI can't - gotta see what car dealers in the area will offer me for my car. Hoping to sell it for at the lowest for 6,000, so I can actually live and start saving for the wedding and study abroad.
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