As I rush and rush through all my tasks to complete them and get to the next one, time just about slipped my mind. Today is the day 5 years ago I spent with Clint before we were dating to hang out, flirt, and what not. I remember telling him I'm ready for my grandpa to not be in anymore pain, for his suffering to end. My grandpa was diagnosed with lung cancer September 2006, and had fought a hard good fight. He never gave up, stubborn to the end - even tried going out to the farm wheeling his oxygen tank behind him while wearing an oxygen mask, ready to get to work. He was the most admirable man I have yet to know. Only a few can hold up to him in comparison, and the one that first comes to my mind is my good friend Tony whose brain cancer robbed him of a bright future. Neither stopped to question God why me, at least not outloud for others to hear. Both were praising God's name on their death beds, despite all the pain and the threat of death in their faces they gave God all the glory.
I want to be more like them. I want to be an example of how they shined for Christ and God. Never was there better examples of a true Christian.
Tomorrow despite the five years, it feels like it was only yesterday - it's going to be very hard on me. Yet I remind myself Grandpa would be disappointed in me if I wasn't living my life, smiling all the way, praising God, and still up to no good with funny pranks. Every year I try to sing Farther Along on this day, tomorrow. It chokes me up still to this day when I hear it, because I can hear Grandpa singing it. I don't ever want to lose that ability of not being able to hear his voice or see him smiling in my mind.
I love you Grandpa. I love you Tony. I love you Mrs Cassaundra. I love you Mr Tommy. And I love you Staci. Death is a part of life, and as time just flies right on by, death just becomes more common as we all grow older. Just is a part of life. My hope and what helps me conquer this fear of death is knowing what is in store for the faithful and the good that follow God's word and Christ's footsteps. This hope is what kept my grandpa and Tony strong til the end. The other 3 had this hope yet their ends were much more tragic and immediate. They didn't suffer, and thank you God for that. I thank you God for my grandpa's and Tony's suffering because through their suffering I saw two true Christians who never lost hope in You. Not saying I wanted them to suffer and if I could have I would have taken away their suffering, I would have rather suffered than watched them do so. It still hurts to think and remember their suffering but I'm proud to have know them and to have called them my friend, one my Grandpa and one my first friend I made in Fayetteville.
No comments:
Post a Comment