It's been a while. I've started my summer job with an outpatient mental facility back in May. While I really thrive on the work and thoroughly enjoy my job, there are days where I must bottle every emotion I feel and keep pushing on. Ignore my sadness at this one kid's home life, ignore my wishes of just giving everything I have to make their world a better place. Ignore my anger at that moment when a kid is acting out. Ignore my bad feelings for having to make these kids cry, to push them to their limit. Friday was one of my hardest days there - I had to document in detail everything one of my 7 yr olds was saying about how he wanted to kill himself, so he could be assessed and possibly admitted back into in-patient. I found myself sitting there what kind of world are we living in that a 7 yr old is suicidal? How can a 7 yr old who's supposed to be innocent and clean can feel such hopelessness? I wanted to scream at the DHS people for not taking him away from his neglectful mother who just randomly leaves him alone at night and lets her friends whip him. I still do want to scream. As I document everything this 7 yr old says, I have to ask him how he would do it and why and try really hard to get those answers out of him, then report to his therapist. And Clint wonders why I'm in such odd moods when I come home from work? Hmmm.... Anyhow after bottling up all these emotions from work and Clint being sweet and taking me out to eat, Clint decided to horse around after our movie and turned off the lights and screeched like a raptor. When he flicked back on the light, I was in the exact same spot when the light was turned off except crumbled in the floor, laughing and crying. Next thing I know I'm sobbing and having a mini panic attack. It lift a ton of weight off my chest and I felt better afterward. But despite having a great weekend, I keep finding my thoughts and prayers wandering to my poor suicidal 7yr, and how he must be feeling if he's been admitted and is in in-patient.
On a brighter note ----> CLINT GOT A JOB!!! Praise the Lord and thank you Lord! And we've been having a great weekend, despite him having to bite his tongue about babies all because some of our friends were over and there were 3 toddlers there.
I'll pray for that 7 year old. And you, and everyone else trying to help him. What a sad situation! I couldn't handle a job like that. I'm glad you can (at least a whole lot better than me). And see, God provides! Congratulate Clint on his new job for me! :) Love you, girl!
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