Not another LEMON!!!

Grrrr.....  I think I have bought yet another lemon for a car.  Last time though it wasn't a lemon when it came into my possession.  This one however I have had for only 2 months, and this is now it's second time in the shop. 

I think I was a little overzealous in picking that car and should have thought things out a little bit better than what I did.  I will from now on allow Clint to have that mellow it over time instead of jumping the gun. 

Been reading up on the Lemon Law, so I may be asking Lewis to buy back my car?  May.  Or I may just sell it myself and pay off the loan and try and find something cheaper. 

If Clint finds a new job here, he's looking into just getting an old bug and letting me drive the Mazda 3.  If he has to move away, I don't have a clue what's going to happen. 

I still firmly believe that there's always a reason behind everything that happens.  Whether it's good or bad, and that it's part of God's will and he always has something better for you waiting around the corner.  Just might not be what you think is good for you.

Frustration!!!  I need my funds to hurry up and come in.  Pinching pennies with Clint's job situation isn't working.  I asked my mom for help and she said I have to pay her back whatever I borrowed.  Ok fine, but treat all your children the SAME.  Stop buying Kevin expensive gaming stuff and getting me and Kelly piddly stuff.  Stop giving kelly money which she used to use for pot and cigarettes.  Even though Dad offered to "buy" me a car ( buy as in I sell my old car BMW to him and pay the rest of my 'new' car off on my own), it had been recently wrecked, had over 120,000 miles on it, had cigarette burns all over the nasty mustard tan suede interior and had been smoked in.  While I'm calling the car I have a lemon now, that other car was just a POS, hundred times worse that didn't have some kind of warranty.  Praying that my warranty pays for what's making my car crap out. 

I am the good child.  I'm the one still in school, with all the high expectations.  I get more help from Clint's family and my grandparents than I do my parents and granny.  NOT THAT I'M BEGGING.  Not that I'm now taking over paying the car insurance plus car payment and still expected to provide Kevin with transportation.  Or even you always buy me the crappy cars or the Sequoia that I couldn't afford to put gas in, and give Kelly the new cars, the nice ones just so she can either wreck or trash them up.  

I know I sound terrible but allow me this poor me moment.  It falls on deaf ears or I just sound flat-out ungrateful and get chastised for it.   It's back to the same ole same ole.  Trella do this, this, and this oh and don't forget this while we reward your siblings for all your hardwork.  Ungrateful siblings where I have to guilt Kevin to actually talk nice to me when all I ever ask him to do is his own laundry and dishes, or Kelly just being Kelly where she doesn't give a crap besides her, her son, and Dj.  Kevin does have to clean the catbox, but that is something he gets rewarded for keeping up with it, usually on a weekly basis. 

If I were to ask my Granny for help, she would only gripe about my "expensive" hair cuts.  40 bucks.  Yep I sure am a big spender.  My grandparents and Clint already do way too much for me.  They're the only ones I feel like I actually owe something to them.  Yes my parents brought me into this world, but I've paid my dues to them for all the crap, abuse and for actually being the one who did everything while Mom was sick and oh can't make Kevin do that.  Kelly just wouldn't do it and would get spanked but then that chore was passed on to me to make sure it was done correctly.  And for paying for everything on my own and spending what extra money I had to keep them afloat.  While I'm trying to survive on ramen, fruit, and eggs, Kevin always has lunch money to go out for chicken or pizza.  I stole one of his pizzas today as a matter of fact because I was hungry. 

I guess my point is when you asked for help, I didn't ask for anything in return.  Now I'm close to being broke, and you're going to fuss about how I'm the expensive child and that I have to pay you back.  I'm asking for help for paying for my allergy medicines and car that I'm supposed to transport Kevin around in.  I can't help it that I got all of your terrible allergy genes, every single last one of them. 

I also feel like anything I have going on in my life or something to say it's just not that important.  Tried talking to my dad and mom about the wedding.  It looks like it's going to be funded by the bride all by herself.  Dad still isn't bringing in any income.  Hasn't really for years.  What he has brought in has only been enough to pay off his stupid stuff like Team National or the sale barn which both flopped.  Or fix the stuff he breaks.  It's apparently my fault that the Sequoia is messing up now.  When I got it from him, it hadn't had an oil change in 7-8,000 miles.  Changed the oil, the air filters, gutted the inside out, changed brake pads, send it back to him with a fresh oil change.  He takes this 2wd vehicle and treats it like a tractor with 4wd.  And it's my fault it's broken?  Nope I am not paying to fix it. 

Ok I'm going to end this poor me spill.  Please do not judge me for this.  Clint's just tired of hearing about all this and I feel like I'm bursting at the seams.  I get that my mom works very very hard and I appreciate her for having the full-time job and full-time class schedule while taking care of Dad and all his crap.  I even understand and told her yes I'll pay you back.  I've been told to not work for this money that is supposed to be coming in.  I'm trying so very hard to do good in school, be a better person and be more involved with my church and friends. 

Mergh this has been a bad week.  I need a pick-me up.  Breaking Dawn part 1 didn't cut it.  Neither did the recent episode of Once Upon a Time.  Hopefully shopping around looking at some pretty white dresses will pick me back up and hopefully the price tags won't be too discouraging.  Since I'm on my own.  Blah.