A virtue that I am lacking in. I know this all too well and struggle with it. But I think in this case it's not justified but understandable. I love Clint to death and would have married him hundred times over by now. I'm so tired of seeing all these friends who meet someone and spend 2-4 yrs together and poof they're engaged. This is how it's supposed to work I guess. This May-August we can't agree on when we were official will be 5 yrs for us. I know he loves me but I am just tired. It makes me feel like I have to prove something and that I'm not good enough.
This is just venting. This has been discussed with Clint several times. I'm happy for all my friends that are getting engaged. I just have to force myself to think of other things most of the time. I guess this is my struggle to bear until eventually it's my turn if that is ever going to happen. At this point I really don't care what you think of me. I know this makes me sound bad and selfish and bitter. I'm not, because if I was I would have dumped him which just is not conceivable to me. I lose my breath and my heart stops when I think of losing him. I flat out panic. I am just tired.
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