Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Patience is a virtue
A virtue that I am lacking in. I know this all too well and struggle with it. But I think in this case it's not justified but understandable. I love Clint to death and would have married him hundred times over by now. I'm so tired of seeing all these friends who meet someone and spend 2-4 yrs together and poof they're engaged. This is how it's supposed to work I guess. This May-August we can't agree on when we were official will be 5 yrs for us. I know he loves me but I am just tired. It makes me feel like I have to prove something and that I'm not good enough.
This is just venting. This has been discussed with Clint several times. I'm happy for all my friends that are getting engaged. I just have to force myself to think of other things most of the time. I guess this is my struggle to bear until eventually it's my turn if that is ever going to happen. At this point I really don't care what you think of me. I know this makes me sound bad and selfish and bitter. I'm not, because if I was I would have dumped him which just is not conceivable to me. I lose my breath and my heart stops when I think of losing him. I flat out panic. I am just tired.
This is just venting. This has been discussed with Clint several times. I'm happy for all my friends that are getting engaged. I just have to force myself to think of other things most of the time. I guess this is my struggle to bear until eventually it's my turn if that is ever going to happen. At this point I really don't care what you think of me. I know this makes me sound bad and selfish and bitter. I'm not, because if I was I would have dumped him which just is not conceivable to me. I lose my breath and my heart stops when I think of losing him. I flat out panic. I am just tired.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Procrastination
This week is literally going to be mission impossible for me. I have entirely too much on my plate. I should be finishing my finance project but I keep finding other stuff to do. It's amazing what all I can get done when it's close to a due date for a big project.
More ADHD testing tomorrow, project due tomorrow afternoon for finance, French final study guide due Wednesday morning, German Christmas party right after, last finance test for the semester on Thursday, then Friday is DEAD DAY and possible birthday plans ( I also plan on getting some dress clothes), Saturday is the Smith extended Christmas family party, Sunday-church, possible Christmas party with Clint's mom's immediate family, COURT date Monday morning, then a German final right after on Monday if I can make it to it, then I have a couple days before my French final.
Can you see why I see this week as mission impossible?! Pray that I can keep perspective, patience, and survive this week.
Christmas shopping is under way....I think I'm a 1/4 done. Well peace out and go hogs! Don't lower yourselves to Kansas State's level.
More ADHD testing tomorrow, project due tomorrow afternoon for finance, French final study guide due Wednesday morning, German Christmas party right after, last finance test for the semester on Thursday, then Friday is DEAD DAY and possible birthday plans ( I also plan on getting some dress clothes), Saturday is the Smith extended Christmas family party, Sunday-church, possible Christmas party with Clint's mom's immediate family, COURT date Monday morning, then a German final right after on Monday if I can make it to it, then I have a couple days before my French final.
Can you see why I see this week as mission impossible?! Pray that I can keep perspective, patience, and survive this week.
Christmas shopping is under way....I think I'm a 1/4 done. Well peace out and go hogs! Don't lower yourselves to Kansas State's level.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Everything I do is judged and everything I do not makes me inadequate. I can't win for losing. I try to do the right thing but it always blows up in my face. I don't even know why I bother with it anymore. I'm going to wash my tears away with a bubble bath and go to bed where hopefully I will have either good dreams or none.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Catching up from Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving break was busy! The week before the break was just as busy. I have discovered, thanks to Clint, that when I'm super tired and trying my hardest to clean or complete some task at hand, I rawr at it lightly. If it's super frustrating then I really rawr at it. He was like do you hear yourself rawring?? Lol...he came to the conclusion that it motivates me to finish the task by rawring at it.
The days before Thanksgiving break was filled with 3 tests and my French oral exam. Then when we got back from break, I immediately had my German oral. Now study time for French, finance and German tests coming up....ugh!
Thanksgiving day was spent out at my grandparents' house in West Fork with my cousins from Texas. The youngest, the only boy from that side who will carry on the Jones name, slept thru the entire Thanksgiving dinner that my poor Nini slaved over. She can't see anymore so she just mostly tells Pop-pop what to do. I of course felt bad and proceeded to take over the dinner preparations by myself with my poor blind grandmother barking orders at me and Pop-pop calling uncooperative tasks and things a stupid outfit. My awkward aunt from Texas sat on her rear and did absolutely nothing to keep her kids out from under me, Nini, and Pop-pop. I flat out had to tell them that if they didn't watch out that they would get burned and that I wouldn't feel bad because they know better to stay out of the way. I'm slowly turning into my granny. Lol
Nini finally got her motorcycle ride from Clint on his parents' bike. She yelled Woohooo as they pulled out of the driveway. Getting the helmet on her head and her on the bike was fun. Lol....what was even more funny was me lifting her off the bike and pulling her off. She asked who's next when her turn was done. Lol she's so cute. It's so sad to watch how depressed she's becoming from her almost losing all her eye sight.
The day after Thanksgiving was the Elam, my parents, and the steps McDonalds at Mitch's house who said we could have it there. So the night before, Thanksgiving night, I'm mixing everything to cook the next day and Mitch comes in says we have people coming over for a party. I had a 10 min warning barely before people started showing up and in 30 min there was at least 20-25 people there. I about went psycho on him for being an inconsiderate douche but I reined in the angry redhead part of me and continued to cook. I then joined in since it was obvious I wasn't going to get any sleep that night and figured well I might as well have some fun before I have to get back to work. The party guests were forced to leave at 2:30 by Mitch who wanted to go to bed by 1am but couldn't because Clint reminded him of his little party he was throwing. I had already planned on getting up by 5am to roll out the bread and start the turkey. So I got about 2 hours of sleep then got up and slaved away on bread, apple pie, the turkey, the salad and fixings for it, and the rice casserole. I was forced to go to bed by Clint around 11 and instead I got a shower and laid down for 30 min.
Everything turned out great minus my experiment I tried for the salad. Sauteed pears, pomegranate seeds, pecans and bleu cheese....and pomegranate vinaigrette. Pears failed but the rest was amazing. Bread turned out great, except for the ones Clint burnt while I was showering and resting, Apple pie was yummy, pecan tarts heavenly, rice was weird didn't turn out right but good, and the turkey was delicious just took forever to cook and wasn't done when it was time to eat. Clint and I fix the turkey like a beer chicken but make a rub from rosemary, sage, basil, and wortershire sauce.
WILL CONTINUE LATER----BED TIME
Continued....dumb website wouldn't post this a night or two ago. I dislike migraines. Dislike getting them.
The days before Thanksgiving break was filled with 3 tests and my French oral exam. Then when we got back from break, I immediately had my German oral. Now study time for French, finance and German tests coming up....ugh!
Thanksgiving day was spent out at my grandparents' house in West Fork with my cousins from Texas. The youngest, the only boy from that side who will carry on the Jones name, slept thru the entire Thanksgiving dinner that my poor Nini slaved over. She can't see anymore so she just mostly tells Pop-pop what to do. I of course felt bad and proceeded to take over the dinner preparations by myself with my poor blind grandmother barking orders at me and Pop-pop calling uncooperative tasks and things a stupid outfit. My awkward aunt from Texas sat on her rear and did absolutely nothing to keep her kids out from under me, Nini, and Pop-pop. I flat out had to tell them that if they didn't watch out that they would get burned and that I wouldn't feel bad because they know better to stay out of the way. I'm slowly turning into my granny. Lol
Nini finally got her motorcycle ride from Clint on his parents' bike. She yelled Woohooo as they pulled out of the driveway. Getting the helmet on her head and her on the bike was fun. Lol....what was even more funny was me lifting her off the bike and pulling her off. She asked who's next when her turn was done. Lol she's so cute. It's so sad to watch how depressed she's becoming from her almost losing all her eye sight.
The day after Thanksgiving was the Elam, my parents, and the steps McDonalds at Mitch's house who said we could have it there. So the night before, Thanksgiving night, I'm mixing everything to cook the next day and Mitch comes in says we have people coming over for a party. I had a 10 min warning barely before people started showing up and in 30 min there was at least 20-25 people there. I about went psycho on him for being an inconsiderate douche but I reined in the angry redhead part of me and continued to cook. I then joined in since it was obvious I wasn't going to get any sleep that night and figured well I might as well have some fun before I have to get back to work. The party guests were forced to leave at 2:30 by Mitch who wanted to go to bed by 1am but couldn't because Clint reminded him of his little party he was throwing. I had already planned on getting up by 5am to roll out the bread and start the turkey. So I got about 2 hours of sleep then got up and slaved away on bread, apple pie, the turkey, the salad and fixings for it, and the rice casserole. I was forced to go to bed by Clint around 11 and instead I got a shower and laid down for 30 min.
Everything turned out great minus my experiment I tried for the salad. Sauteed pears, pomegranate seeds, pecans and bleu cheese....and pomegranate vinaigrette. Pears failed but the rest was amazing. Bread turned out great, except for the ones Clint burnt while I was showering and resting, Apple pie was yummy, pecan tarts heavenly, rice was weird didn't turn out right but good, and the turkey was delicious just took forever to cook and wasn't done when it was time to eat. Clint and I fix the turkey like a beer chicken but make a rub from rosemary, sage, basil, and wortershire sauce.
WILL CONTINUE LATER----BED TIME
Continued....dumb website wouldn't post this a night or two ago. I dislike migraines. Dislike getting them.
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