Dream big or go home right?
Apparently I have had a defeatist/realist attitude about life here lately. I want to change that back to the random spontaneous dreamer I used to be. Clint says I'm not the girl he fell in love with. She comes out for a brief period and just gets put back away in a little box where nobody can destroy, ruin, or criticize her dreams and herself. It doesn't hurt as bad when those are put away and the mask is up. I took down my mask yesterday for Stephanie and Steve. It hurt but it felt good to just release. I bottle everything up because the stuff I know can get people hurt or into trouble. I feel like I have a limited amount of people I can talk to in the church because most of them know my parents or family. I want to share. I want to dream those big dreams that I always got in trouble for when I was a child.
Therapy for me is this blog and now thanks to my friend Ashley, I'm looking into "zentangle." And I'm going to start doing something everyday for me to make me happy or to smile.
I used to have this list about all my dreams. Being trapped in a small town wanting to see the world, dreaming big in hope of escaping that small town was what literally saved me from ending my own life. I dislike the norm but for once I want a more normal life. Less drama, less responsibility - I've had both as long as I could remember. I didn't ask for it, didn't go looking for it. Anyhow, my bucket list: **I will add more when I remember it. Blast that concussion.
Places I want to go to/see:
-Egypt --I used to want to be a female Indiana Jones when I was little. I want to explore the pyramids, find some mummies.
-pretty much all of Britain, Ireland, Wales, England, Scotland. My heritage. And I do have other reasons now to go. I want more than anything to get married in Ireland. That's my biggest dream now, besides that day I get my sparkle. :-)
- Germany -- my cousin has been a missionary there since I was very little. My grandparents also had a German foreign exchange student for a bit. Also my heritage; I've pretty much have had a desire to go to western Europe since 5ish. I hated being stuck in one place. I wanted to see new things!! Still do.
-France (yes I have been but really didn't get to enjoy good French cuisine and I dislike being rushed thru art museums, plus there is still so much I didn't see)
- Italy - do I really need to go into why? There is so much history there and well it's Italy.
- Greece -- I used to get grounded for wanting to learn more about Greek mythology. Made my parents mad that I wasn't being a good little Christian kid and I wasn't even baptized yet. Geez-- I want to see that white rocky beach line with the green blue sea.
**BIG DREAM ALERT** I want to take a cruise around the Mediterranean Sea!!! Wear fabulous loose fitting clothing (kinda dumb but dress like the old Greeks and not for dumb sorority functions), eat wonderful food, drink wonderful wine, and of course I would bring along Mr Clinty. :-)
-Spain - I want to visit all the Catholic churches there and see the history behind the Spanish Inquisition. And Barcelona plus Degas is one of my favorite artists. Love the ballerina paintings of his
-Hawaii --now I know I really don't have to explain this one. :-)
-Canada - in the fall/winter. Always have wanted to have that out in the wilderness. Fall is gorgeous there.
-Australia -- I want to swim with sharks. EEEEK!!!!
- California --again, I want to learn how to surf and tour the wine country.
- New York City --AT CHRISTMAS!! The huge Christmas tree in Time Square, ice-skating, window shopping, seeing all the old shops like Macy's, and hopefully a cool Broadway show. Too bad they're not playing Cats anymore. That was one of my biggest dreams when I was 8. I wanted to see Cats more than anything.
- Vermont --tour it on a motorcycle in the fall with Clint. :-)
- Maine -- for the history and fresh lobster
- DISNEY WORLD!!! -- don't care whether it's California, Florida, Paris...I want to go.
- Peru -- weird but just always has been a place I wanted to go since I was little
- Mayan Ruins --big history buff when I was in elementary school. Have always wanted to go and still do.
- Brazil/Amazon river -- just have always wanted to wander thru a rainforest, zip-line thru the tree tops
What I want to learn how to do:
- How to ride a Motorcycle
- Dry a stick-sift
- To surf
- Sky-diving
- Crocheting
- Knitting
- How to sew lol
- Paint ---I know it's simple it's just well I need all the paint, the brushes, canvases etc....and kinda scared of just sucking at it. Can mix paint just fine.
- How to change my oil
- Fluent in German, French and Spanish
- Wood-carving
- Sculpting/pottery
- How to tango/waltz/samba/more swing than what I do --DANCE!
- Basket-weaving
- How to cut my own hair --SCARY!
Other random dreams:
- Getting corrective laser surgery for my eyes
- Having my own house designed for me built--maybe more than one
- Having a big flower garden that I can stroll through
- Marry the guy of my dreams...this is kinda funny...I wrote this when I was 16-18yrs old, and it's dead-on Clint for the most part.
+Blonde hair, blue eyes, facial hair, great sense of humor, MUST LIKE CATS, spontaneous, speed-addict (as in going fast!), non-controlling, good morals I didn't at that point care if he was Christian, and taller than me.
(Clint was taller than me when we started dating...and i'm so grateful that he's the one. I thank God for him every day more than once.)
- I want a huge library with big windows and built in cushy window seats and a big piano. Kinda want a secret passage too in it lol.
- I wanted an addition to my dream house, a little cottage filled with light and surrounded by a garden. I want my mom to live out in the cottage and I want to just let her have her own cute home and garden for her to do whatever she wants with it.
- A real leather Catwoman suit....sounds bad but this is something I have always wanted whip and all. Lol I used to dream about wearing it on my honeymoon. I have warned you that I am weird.
As I said at the beginning, thanks to that concussion parts of my memory are shot. I'll complete this or add on when it comes to me. I have most of this written in my Bible. Not going to tell detail about my biggest dream because if you tell then it won't come true right? And I want it to be perfect. Haven't lost that perfectionist side of me. :-)
If you ever get a chance to sail the Mediterranean, TAKE ME WITH YOU!!! I've wanted to visit Europe for forever! That's stupid to get in trouble for wanting to learn what people used to believe in those parts of the world. We HAD to learn that stuff in school. Also, I have wanted to let people in on some of the things I want to do, but when it comes down to it, I forget, or think people will think I'm a nut. Maybe at some point I will blog about mine. :)
ReplyDeleteHoney I was the kid who was grounded from her books. :-) And always asked too many questions. Anytime growing up I mentioned something like that about what I wanted to do, I was firmly told that I was a girl therefore I was supposed to get married and have kids. And people wonder why I'm a loud-mouth opinionated girl.
ReplyDeleteIt's why I love you! :) I'm not really a loud-mouth, but I definitely know what you mean. I am rebellious toward that double standard.
ReplyDelete